I know i said that the last entry was my LAST entry but this one will probably be my last entry...on this one at least, im thinking of making a new one, so if anyone thinks that a good idea by all mean please tell me lol. Thank you for all the amazing comments, although i really dont want to take credit for "reaching" anyone if ya'll were really touched (in which i hope so). Dre talked sense in my head the other night. Most of that entry i am very truthful in, and hope it happens, but I do not feel like it's my time anymore. Dre mentioned somethin about the scars i have on my drop-dead sexy body (he really didnt say that) and said I had alot of potential to use that in my testamony. He talked to me maybe for an hour or so, and alot of the words sunk in, incase your reading this lol. Hi Dre. But he's definatly right. God has more for me in this life than what i was thinking, whether it was music or just being myself. I'm not gonna give Dre any glory on this though, cause it wasnt really Dre speakin to me, even though he probably feels the same way. I love him very much, and will probably talk to him alot more often about stuff I'm goin through, but obviously I'm gonna trust in God to handle it. Remember that every move you make is watched. A very smart man once said "I'm going to try and speak to people with a positive message, and I'll use words only if I have to". Thats probably not the exact words but you get the idea. It's very true though.

 

Joseph Antley rules!!!

 

I'm probably getting a new xanga deal, but if you'd like to still comment this one, for any means, i'll be checking it still. I haven't thought of a xanga name yet so I'll get back to ya'll on that one. Peace out kids!

 

Allen (more than likely my last entry, but don't be so sure)

Losing friends is a horrible thing, and i feel like im gonna lose one of my very best ones. I feel like I'm ready to passaway, in a good sense that is. Not because of whats happening. I feel that my work is almost over here on earth. I may be right or I may be wrong, but I hope it is. But before that time comes, I'm going to try my best to make ammends to the people I love, I've hurt, and lied to. Ryan Farrell, a very dear friend of mine did that very same thing before he died, and I'm glad he did cause that makes me feel more secure knowing that he IS in Heaven. I'm sorry for all the heartache I've given, and accepted the past 17 years. Jesus says not to worry about tomorrow because it's alright, it just brings me one more day closer to Him. That's how I'm going to live my life. It's weird how it takes something serious in you life to realize what is the right thing to do. I've lived a lie alot of my life calling myself "Christian" but not living up to it. I'm going to change that with help of course. This entry is probably my last one. It's not for anyone but me, I dont know why but I feel...comfort in the words I'm speakin. I just hope the people I've hurt will realize one day that I love them. To the people who have hurt me in the past...I love you too. If my time isnt soon, then I pray that God has in store something very very great for me. I've felt like music is what I was called to do to get people saved. If Zach is the only one I was supposed to reach, then I hope that I will do so soon, with open and loving arms. Love is the theme for my life now. I pray I now see people through the eyes of God rather than my own eyes. I'm at the point of tears, yet little sorrow is in me. I pray that alot of my dearest friends will experiance this same feeling in some point of their life. If I grow old, I want the comfort of knowing that my loved ones that I've hurt has forgiven me, and that the ones who have hurt me are forgiven. The greatest love I've ever known is the love of God, and I hope everyone reading this will realize that also. I'll do my best to let that same love flow out of every word I speak. I'm tired of living my life my own way. It's in the hands of God now. Before this entry, I layed in my bed thinking of what was going to happen next. Tonight has been the worst night I've ever had in a long long time. I pray I never feel this pain again, and I pray that I never give it either. Healing is one prayer away, always remember that. I trust God with all my heart, that He'll pull me through this life. I bid you all farewell on here. This xanga is now history...

 

Love always

Allen

Nothing to put really...except a few quotes from a book I am reading about martyrs in the past who died staning up for what they believe. Their stories make me think "why does God need me when He has people like them".

 

"Angels are transparent. If an angel stands before you with a man behind him, the presence of the angel does not keep you from seeing the man. On the contrary: Looking at a man through an angel makes him more beautiful. I see my tortures through an angel. In that way, even they become lovable."

 

Ivan "Vanya" Moiseyev

Martyred in the USSR, 1972

 

"We shall not end our lives in the fire, but make a change for a better life."

Julius Palmer

Burned at the stake in England

 

"This is the end. For me, the beginning of life"

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Hung in Germany, 1945

 

"For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better"

Paul the Apostle

Beheaded in Rome, 65 A.D.

 

Martyrs aren't just people in other countries who are killed for their beliefs. They are also found in schools, people being ridiculed and made fun of for speaking the truth of Jesus Christ with no remorse or apology. I don't know if I would have the courage and strength to die like them, I pray that I would, but I know I do have the oppertunity to let my light shine within my school and town. I hope you will join me in doing so.

 

PS: SamI know you'll read this sooner or later...YOUR THE BOMB! Peace out